


We Gather to Repent

by orphan_account



Category: Mormonism - Fandom, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints - Fandom
Genre: Ancestral Shame, Community responsibility, Exmormon - Freeform, Gen, Mormonism, Religion, Social Justice, change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:41:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25026361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: an imagining of the moment mormon leaders start taking responsibility
Kudos: 4





	We Gather to Repent

It's that conference room in the Church Administration Building, the building with the offices of the mormon apostles. It's about 45 people, the leaders at a long oval table, their assistants in chairs along the walls, the only female "leaders" at the back. Everyone is nervous, fidgeting, staring off into space. 

I'm standing at the front, near the projector screen, looking to the door, waiting for the mormon prophet to enter the room. When he does, everyone stands as is custom. He nods at a few people, and shakes hands with those nearest as he makes his way to the far end of the table (I don't know how he can see the screen from there, but hey tradition, or maybe it's the exquisite vision plan they provide for all these elder males, who knows). 

He nods at Bednar, the man most uncomfortably at ease here. Bednar has been completely still, his gaze on the painting of the mormon "first vision". When the prophet nods, Bednar stands, welcomes everyone, and leads them in prayer (they always start with prayer, to me it's less of supplication to god for blessings and more of a chance to voice opposition about reasons for decisions that'll be made, a chance to reframe the agenda because "that's what god wants". These guys are passive-aggressive AF and I guess they gotta tussle with each other, clamor for favor somehow). 

Bednar is suprisingly humble, apologetic. He asks God to extend their sight, strengthen their resolve to right the ship, bring the full light of the gospel back to Zion. People are nodding (you know I don't really close my eyes for their prayers), someone wipes a tear from their eye. Maybe this won't be what I expected at all. 

Their eyes pop back open with "amen" and even though Bednar is talking again, they're all watching me. Their eyes are piercing. Eyes of people that are sharp despite their age, sharp from running this large and powerful and very wealthy church. They are serious. I'm not so sure that they all really believe everything, but they do believe in running this church, in keeping the community strong, in keeping the cash flowing, and keeping the lawsuits away. They all receive large "living stipends" as they call them. It's a lot of money. And there's even more money from board positions in church-owned businesses. Lots of real-estate. Lots of asset management. 

I don't think you'd call them the true leaders of Utah, they shield themselves from all that. They keep so removed from saying and doing anything out in the world besides inspiring the church members. When they blend into the background, boring AF, it's on purpose. The more they publicly neuter themselves the more they can keep control. I can't fault them for that. Brigham Young and his successors have perfected it. It's their heritage. 

However, this, this meeting, me being here, the somber feeling, the nerves, the agitation, the hesitation mixed with penance. Well, at least today is repentance day. At least today they fess-up to themselves, to god, to each other. They start telling the true story of hate and violence and abuse and shame in the church. Their shame, their ancestor's shame. Today, here, crying out to God, "We have strayed Father! Please, please don't leave us! Make us Worthy again!" 

And as for me, sure, they pray to God, but pay for a consultant. And you just don't say no when the richest American church pays good money to be cleansed like this. Their prophet said to me, "We want to be in harmony will all our brothers and sisters. Help us." 

See, if you were raised with the Bible, like I was, like the Mormons are, you already have all the advice you need to not be a shitty human. Well, *you* do, a single person that wants to treat everyone fairly. The Bible doesn't have much to say to a multinational religious corporation. They, the Church, can't just decide one day to come to Jesus and change their ways. Of course they don't have as much of a history like the Catholic church, but they still ought to be in court for a LOT of stuff. They've got a lot of reparations ahead of them.

So when Bednar prayed for God to "strengthen their resolve to right the ship", he was talking about facing liability. And personally, he was talking about trying to undo his own body of work, the hate and exclusion that thrived under his dogma. 

I've never seen an organization this big attempt this much change this fast. I suspect there are some terrible and time-senstive skeletons in the closet they're trying to evade. Who knows? But if we can pull this off, there might be hope for the rest of America's "Christlike" churches. 

**Author's Note:**

> I can't see them starting this sort of thing all on their own. They'd need the cover that an outsider would bring.
> 
> And it's just a snapshot of a moment. I like basking in it, just before it all happens. Knowing that it will happen. Not having to worry about how messy and cringey and pathetic they'd probably act from then onwards.


End file.
